


A Question of Duty

by Elanorin



Category: Mass Effect
Genre: Angst, F/M, One Shot, Romance
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-12-31
Updated: 2014-12-31
Packaged: 2018-03-04 15:11:59
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,394
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3072533
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Elanorin/pseuds/Elanorin
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Garrus is slow to accept Kaidan back on board the Normandy. Set during ME3. Previous romance with Kaidan Alenko during ME1.</p>
            </blockquote>





	A Question of Duty

**Author's Note:**

> Any and all constructive feedback is always much appreciated, it's why I'm here.
> 
> Enjoy.
> 
> ~Elanorin

"Garrus." Kaidan gave the Turian a brief nod as he passed.

"Welcome aboard" Garrus replied, his Turian face even more unreadable than ever. 

"It’s good to be back on the Normandy."

Garrus missed a beat before saying "Technically you’re not ‘back’. This is the SR2. The ship Cerberus built for Shepard."

"Yeah, the Alliance did a good job tidying her up." Kaidan said, seemingly unperturbed by the comment. 

"The Normandy" Garrus asked, "or Shepard?"

Kaidan turned to face the Turian, meeting him properly eye to eye for the first time since Horizon. Garrus met his gaze and felt every inch that he was taller.

"Something on your mind, Vakarian?" Major Alenko said, his voice lowering slightly as he stopped in front of Garrus, feet wide, hands clasped behind his back. The comparative stature of Turians to humans had never annoyed him more.

Garrus grinned. He still struggled to read Human expressions but he knew a man brandishing his military rank when he saw it, regardless of species, and the obvious reason for it was that he was getting to the Major. Good. He saw no reason why Kaidan should be welcomed back with open arms. "You can put your combat gear downstairs in the cargo bay. I'll have Vega clear an arms locker there for you to equip." The Turian said enjoying handing out instructions in a way he'd never thought he would. "The crew quarters are full but I believe there is a spare bunk or two down there still. Again, I'll speak to Vega."

Kaidan's dark eyes were almost black at being addressed like some civilian without rank. "I think I know my way around the Normandy. Thanks" he said, entirely void of gratitude.

"A lot has changed since you were part of her crew" Garrus replied evenly.

"So I see." Kaidan’s fists clenched under his crossed arms. "I don't recall you outranking me, Vakarian, in fact, you left C-sec didn't you?" Kaidan didn’t hide his satisfaction at reminding him of his defection. 

"Mm." Garrus conceded, grin fading. He hated to admit that it bothered him more than it should that the Human was right. Perhaps giving him another order would make him feel better. "Once you're done in cargo bay, check in with Liara. She might have some biotic mods of use to you. Dismissed." He did not wait for a response, he was done. He turned and walked away, feeling much better.

That last word made Kaidan see red. "Who the hell died and put you in charge, Garrus?" he snapped, instantly regretting his choice of words, inwardly cringing at his own comment.

Garrus stopped in his tracks, turned and pinned a fierce icy blue glare at Kaidan. "Shepard." he replied, with no attempt at hiding his disgust at Kaidan's choice of words, his Turian voice flanging more than ever. 

Kaidan said nothing as Garrus turned away and left. He chastised himself for what he had said, not least because it had given Garrus the opening to seal the win of that exchange. 

"Do we have a problem?" The unmistakable voice of Shepard came from behind.

Garrus spun round to find her leaning against the wall just behind the corner, one knee bent to set the foot against the wall. She held her left arm out as she tapped on her omnitool without looking up.

Garrus paused, feeling his smugness fade and his annoyance resurfacing. As much as he admired her and deferred to her judgement even when they disagreed, he could not fathom her reasons for inviting Kaidan back. "Not yet" he replied shortly.

Shepard glanced up at him from her omnitool. "I don't recall you two ever locking horns." 

Garrus didn't reply.

Shepard dismissed her omnitool and stood away from the wall to face him, she frowned. "I expected Kaidan to be facing some reluctance on board when he arrived, but I didn't see it coming from you." She crossed her arms over her chest, tilting her head a little to one side and eyed him head to toe as if reappraising what she knew of him.

"Then you are either plain dumb or you hold much too high an opinion of me." Garrus replied, not looking to hide his feelings on the subject.

Shepard was shocked to hear such words from him. Garrus had never so much as breathed a breath that wasn’t loyal and respectful before. She let the comment slide purely because it was Garrus and because they were in private. She took it with a single nod at the floor before looking up at him once more. "Is this because Kaidan and I were lovers or because of Horizon?" Straight to the point.

Garrus had always appreciated her tendency to cut to the point without any rambling, but this caught him off guard, though he missed a beat he soon regained his composure. "Yes."

"I see." At least he was honest. Shepard paused as she considered her choice of words.

"Shepard," Garrus said, his voice suddenly soft and low and his gaze less defensive. "The only thing that was worse than having you and him in front of me day after day, fight after fight, was to see him spit in your face and turn his back on you on Horizon."

"You aren't making sense now, Garrus." Shepard snapped. Horizon had hurt her deeply and she wanted off this topic. "Are you saying you rather I'd stayed with Kaidan?"

"For heaven’s sake Shepard," Garrus said impatiently, "Of course I do."

Shepard blinked. Her eyes ached. "What the hell is this Garrus? Where is this coming from? You were happy to see me again. I could see how relieved you were back in the main battery when I told you I still want to be with you. I meant it. Are you having second thoughts?" she demanded.

"You were happy there, Shepard. With him. Of course I wish Horizon had never happened to you, even if that meant you’d never come to me. I may have hated it but he was your choice. I was only too happy to step up in his absence, sure. But what we had... it wasn't a choice. It was a need. You needed to forget him. You needed to reclaim a feeling of being human after your reconstruction and most of all you needed a night of not thinking about what we were going up against or what stakes hung in the balance of your decisions."

"Had?" She repeated with accusation. 

"Shepard. Neither you or I deal in ifs or buts. Not our style. Had things been different, who knows, but fact is all that 'we' are... is really just that one night. You say that you want more but..."

"But what, Vakarian? Since when did I have to prove anything to you?" she demanded.

"Never." Garrus said, his turian voice managing to be both soft and fierce. "Hell Shepard, I'd follow you in to the mouth of a reaper if you'd let me, without a moment’s hesitation. You’re my commander. More than that and I have never questioned your judgment. But as far as 'us' goes, I no longer know where we’re standing."

"I've told you, that night was more than just the heat of the moment, Garrus. I know there hasn't been much time for us to move beyond it but I expected you most of all to understand the need for duty first!"

"I’m Turian, Shepard." Garrus growled, reminding her of the insult such words were to his kind. "Duty flows in my veins. I knew that night for what it was, Shepard. Of course I had hopes of it starting something more but as the months came and went and you were beyond any reach I feared the heat of that moment was cooled by events beyond our control. I was happy to see you again in more ways than I can say. I was even happier to hear that night had left enough of a mark for you to still want more. Yeah, I admit it didn’t take me long to dream up a scenario where I was no longer on your mind just because Alenko had written himself out of the picture."

"Garrus." Shepard said softly, slowly reaching a hand to touch his face. "I honestly don’t know if trying to forget Kaidan was a factor in me turning to you when this all began, but I do know that it certainly isn’t now. He is not on my mind."

"Isn’t he?!" Garrus blurted out, slapping her hand out of the way before it had reached his face. "Then what the fuck is he doing on this ship, Shepard?!" he demanded, pointing behind him in the direction where Kaidan had been earlier.

Shepard was forced a step back by his outburst, the shock evident on her face before a scowl claimed it. She was having her fill of his insubordination. What happened to not questioning her judgment? "Kaidan is an accomplished soldier and talented biotic. If we are to have even a hope in hell against the reapers we need the whole galaxy to work together, Garrus. You know this! He is too powerful an ally to turn down for the sake of some old goddamn romance! He offered his help and I need all the help I can get. Duty first, Turian!"

"Duty first." Garrus repeated, laughing bitterly under his breath. "I have never known even a Turian to embody that ideal to the extent that you do Shepard. It is an honour to follow you, not just because of how I feel about you but because you deserve it. I owe it to you to open your eyes; Alenko is not here in the name of Duty. The alliance is with you now, Shepard. Hell one by one the militaries of the whole damn galaxy are falling in line by the deeds of the Normandy and her Commander. You are not assembling a private mercenary army this time. The Normandy is just the spearhead in this war, not its entire army. You need soldiers at your side? Vega and I are already here, not to mention yourself. You need a biotic? Liara is just downstairs. She’s every bit the biotic Kaidan is and she has seen enough battles to be equal in the field. What Kaidan brings to the war effort aboard the Normandy, is it more than he could do elsewhere under Anderson or Hackett who both have a shortage of men of Kaidan’s calibre? Or does he bring more distraction and complication than his assets are worth by the nature of his past with this ship, its crew and not least its Commander? No matter how I look at this Shepard, the ‘duty’ to bring him on board does not track, unless of course you had a personal interest in having him here. You do after all share a romantic past and, despite past differences, you are reconciling. Perhaps there are hopes for picking up what was lost on Horizon from more than just his side. In which case having him on board, to make the most of whatever time we have left, suddenly makes sense. Who would blame you? For what you have already sacrificed for the safety of the galaxy, and are sacrificing still, you are allowed whatever succour you wish to help you sleep at night. I certainly wouldn’t deny you whatever comfort you seek, nor could I ever deny you love. But it does leave some questions as to where that leaves the Turian in all this" he said, casting his eyes down.

Shepard stared at him. She was both outraged and cowed by his words. She had never heard Garrus speak out like this against any decision she had ever made. It both angered her and worried her. Either he was so out of line he should have a fist to his face or he really was holding up a brutal mirror and forcing her to look at herself. God, was he right? Was the call to bring Kaidan aboard so unfounded? Had the fact that she did not even hesitate to take him back come from her needs as a woman rather than her needs as a commander? Shepard opened her mouth to retort but no words came.

"Kaidan is a fucking idiot. He should have ravaged you on sight on Horizon and never let go."

"With you watching?" Shepard asked, trying half-heartedly to lighten the mood while her mind was still spinning.

"You're damn right I would have." Garrus said without apology. "I’ll take any chance I get to see you naked." the words suggested a lighthearted banter but his voice and eyes showed anything but; his intense gaze pierced so keenly Shepard had to look away. 

Silence fell between them and seconds ticked silently before Garrus stepped close to Shepard, caressing a talon along her cheek. "I loved you long before you noticed me as anything more than a useful rifle and informant. It was agony to see you two together but to see you happy made it bearable. It always will" he said softly.

"So where does all this leave us?" 

"I can’t make that call, Shepard" Garrus replied softly.

"Commander. We are approaching the Quarian home system. ETA Rannoch 5 minutes." Joker’s voice on the intercom threw them both back into the here and now with brutal efficiency.

"What have you got from the comm buoys?" Shepard asked, her voice crisp and focused. Garrus had to admit her ability to compartmentalise at a split second’s notice was second to none. She’d make one hell of a Turian. 

"Pretty much a big old shitstorm, Commander" Joker replied. 

"I have detected several hundred unique ship signatures engaged in active combat" EDI offered.

"Yeah, like I said" Joker replied.

"Take us in, Joker" Shepard replied before terminating the communication. "Garrus, suit up" she said to him without the faintest trace of the intimacy and turmoil of their conversation seconds before. 

He gave a sharp nod in understanding and left without another word. This was no longer the time or place. They had been forced to leave things in a far from ideal place but that seemed to be their constant curse. "Goddamn war" he muttered as the lift doors closed behind him.


End file.
